We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We never ejaculate prematurely. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous--guys look like complete idiots in ours. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get out of speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. We don't look like a frog in a blender when we dance. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies (you get the point). We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. We know the truth about whether size matters. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not the devil. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex. If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. We can sleep our way to the top. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. WE never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. We're NOT men.